Some nations write history.
Some nations get written about.
And then there are the Jews - who receive an eviction notice from history every few centuries, like clockwork.
Apparently, the Jewish people invented the concept of “we don’t like your kind here” long before there were neighborhoods to be excluded from. The list of Jewish expulsions, over a thousand and counting, isn’t just a tragic record; it’s a survival manual for existing in a world where a “Jewish answer” is always the wrong one.
Take Egypt, for instance. Or Babylon. Or Rome. Honestly, pick any empire, the plot never changes. Within three generations, the locals start scratching their heads and asking, “Wait, how did they end up running the trade again?”
Cue the timeless speech: “We have nothing against Jews, just what they do.”
Which roughly translates to, “It’s not you, it’s me, just leave immediately.”
The pattern is impressively consistent: Jews build, get blamed, get expelled, rebuild.
Rome did it. Spain did it with an Inquisitorial flair. England added a royal twist. Modern Iran just tweets it.
Humanity upgrades its technology but never its morality, once bonfires, now hashtags.
Each era dresses up the same story in new language.
In the 14th century, Jews were blamed for spreading the Black Death.
In the 20th, for controlling global finance.
In the 21st, it’s “legitimate criticism of Israel.”
Same narrative, shinier filter.
Here’s the real paradox: the world’s smallest, most frequently hunted minority has somehow become its moral mirror. Every time Europe, the Middle East, or even woke America wants to cleanse its conscience, it wipes it clean - with Jews.
It’s moral Pilates: a deep stretch for guilt, with only temporary relief.
And yet, there’s something almost poetic, disturbingly so, about it.
Because if, after three thousand years of exile, pogrom, boycott, and cancellation, the Jews are still here, perhaps they weren’t the problem after all.
Perhaps they were just the mirror.
And the only thing humanity hates more than a successful Jew is a mirror that doesn’t lie.
So next time someone tweets that “Zionism is colonialism,” gently remind them that the Jewish people have been history’s most repeatedly colonized colony, expelled 1,030 times and counting.
History may love to repeat itself, but this time, we’re writing the script.
And we have no intention of moving out again.
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